A Tale of the Heart

Today was a day I have dreaded since the birth of Little J.  Today was the day he noticed someone staring at him and here is how our conversation went...

Mommy, they won't quit looking at me! 
(you could tell it made him really angry)

Why do you think they are doing that? Cause you're just so cute. 
(this has always worked to bring a smile to his face... always)

(he looked at me with a very serious look for a three year old little boy)
No, Mommy.  They hate my skin!!
(he put his head down on the cart and would not look at me.  he was so sad.)

(i had to take a moment to gather myself because at that moment my heart was broken.  i knew this day would come, but until then i was perfectly happy pretending it wouldn't.  he is such a happy little boy.  i do not want him to change because other people can't except what they do not understand.  i do not want him to be any different than he was the second prior to his realization.  i know in my heart that it is not possible, but i work my damnest to help him stay that way.)

JJ.  JJ, look at Mommy.  You know you are the cutest 3 year old I have ever known.  You have special skin and I LOVE IT! 
(I began rubbing his arms and hands .)

(he finally looked up at me.  i just knew how he was feeling.)
(he started poking my hand really hard and forceful.)

JJ, why are you poking me?  Don't you love your special skin too?  It's perfect just like you are.

Mommy, mine needs to be like yours.

No it doesn't.  If your skin was like mine, you wouldn't be JJ anymore, you would be Mommy.  Don't you want to be JJ?

Yes, but my skin is wrong.  Your skin is not bad like mine is.

Why would you say that?

Cause when people look at me they look mad and mean.  They are not nice.

JJ, people have never seen skin like yours.  They look at you to try to see why it looks like that.  They want to make sure your okay.

(at this point, he changed the subject to something that caught his eye in the store.)


I just do not know what else to say.  Today someone took away a little piece of my son's heart and mine right alone with it.